i practically ran all the way to safra.. forgot that my friends will b late.. ran til i had blisters on my feet coz i was wearin my mum shoes.. onli to find that im the first though i left my house ten minutes after meeting time.. the route there seems shorter than the way back.. i came back with blisters n cut.. who do u know cut herself playing pool? but i felt that my heart was more
bruised..
i could onli go to safra for a short time.. n i still went thinkin that i will get to see my OP friends.. friends that i feel that i hav neglected for a long time since i was posted to aj where the pressure is great esp for a dumb person like me.. something that not many know.. i hav been suppressing feelins within me.. To me, i was so caught up with trying to catch up with my work that i missed my friends.. missed chatting with them over the phone.. being in different schools, kept us apart.. im sooo afraid that the distance bcame so far that i will lose them.. the huge pile of work daily kept me away from the msn.. the tool for me to keep in contact with u all.. but when im online, u r not or either is busy.. days hav been passing too quickly.. b4 i know it, weeks had passed.. test after test.. so caught up that i hardly hav time to stop and think bout wat i had lost.. i think i lost u all.. i doubt that any will b readin this either.. but its better off my chest..
the sec 4 life in OP is one of tears.. tears of joy n saddness..
a time when our friendship is being tested.. now it is being tested again by distance.. n i think im failing.. i failed to find out bout hows their life..fail to be a friend.. n i wun b surprise be that im banished til a mere acquantance..
Then, questions popped into my head saddin me furthur.. isnt it true that if i go n ask, it will juz b a one word answer?? isnt it true that we dun used to do that? Issit true that since u doesnt wan know hows my life, it shows u dun wan me to know bout yours? issit it true that if i innitiate, u will tell me all? issit?? issit true that i have failed coz i didnt hav time to catch up with u while fantically catchin up with work fruitlessly?? the truth that i know is that ppl will interpret my words differently.. so differently that i will upset u ppl instead.. probably i shouldnt hav typed all these out.. but i cant get an answer with in it me.. mayb sayin it out may worsened things but isnt it bad enough alreadi?? hope that i get some answers.. there are many things that i should have done.. but i hav limited resources n time n brain n hands..
i wish i can take leave from school to catch up with friends but if i can take leave, i think it will onli end up with me rushing through tutorials at home tryin to finish it n not get in trouble.. but if i can take leave n heck bout my work n go n look for u guys.. will u still rmb me?? u are busy with your own life that u mayb unable to spend the time with me mayb coz i go at a wrong time..even if i do that, n get to communicate, i think that i will feel more left out than ever.. it will b more obvious that the distance is greater.. more obvious that i dun fit in anymore coz im in a different sch.. more obvious that i hav been left out of your busy lifestyle.. more obvious that im out of your life.. issit it true?? the reason that i dare to write this should b coz i think no one reads my blog xcept for a minority..
Juz wanna say that i wun forget u all coz memory is the only thing that i hav.. isnt it??.. do i still hav u all?? .. i guess im alreadi forgotten.. lost in your head as our cells in the memory part dies..
if you do not mean anything to me, this entry wun be dedicated to u all alreadi..
archives.
credits.
